The Hillarious Church... (My Sunday Christian Memes) EPS 1

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Hillarious ways to know Jesus better,😌😄

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Cartoouesday... (Cartoon memes Tuesday) EPS 1

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😂😂😂😂 I can't imagine their cluelessness.

No No Mickey not you too😭😭..You mean you did all these for clout??

There is a lot we are not being told!!!!!!😞

I think this explains a lot!!!

Food is my only love Language.

Danger Under a Half Sun.... (Based on a personal true story)

 

‘Do some guys know that it is hella creepy to look at a girl whilst making it so obvious, can you at least try to hide that perverted look’ I gave an inner eye roll as I looked away from the guy sitting on his bike just across the gutter from the store, mustard shirt and stonewashed jeans, dark glasses resting on his fore-head, a shady red band on his wrist, light in complexion with heavy beards and oh so not my type, so don’t even try it this afternoon, I am very tired, hungry and a walking ticking time bomb. I thought to myself trying my best to hide my disgust.

“Do you have N200?” The vendor interrupted my thoughts. Really!!! So you wouldn’t even attempt to look for change?? You’re lucky I am in a hurry if not it is me and you that will tire today. I mumbled to myself while opening my bag to fetch the change and hand it over to her.

“Thank you” I said collecting my good from her hand ‘yes even in my frustrated state I still have manners’. Shifting over the good on my hands and balancing my bag on myself so I can walk conveniently to where I can get a cab. I gave one more glance to the guy and I saw him still in his uninterrupted perverted gaze ‘what in the world man!!! Can you see that I can see you!!! urghhh so shameless.’ Wanting to get away from that place as soon as possible I started to calculate my new journey back to my house crossing the gutter to begin my journey.

“Nomsiiiiiiii!!!” ‘oh my God I almost entered the gutter’, screaming internally. I looked around to where that voice screamed from.

“Heyyyy” I squealed back when I saw who the owner of the voice belonged to. We started our little chit chat down the road then parted ways.

Suddenly I felt another presence within my airspace, this wasn’t any ordinary presence it was a really disturbing presence like an external force trying to fight inside mine, to take over.

I glanced to the side so I can take a look at who was behind me from my peripheral vision.

‘What the!!!’ I exclaimed in my head. The man on the bike had quietly rode up behind me and my friend.’ I don’t want to accept that we made so much noise not to have heard that or because it was a busy road and the car noises everywhere didn’t allow us to hear him ride gently behind us,then boom!!! I figured his bike was turned off so he just quietly rode it up.

I quickly picked up my pace and started walking faster to the junction where I could get a cab home.

‘eheh which kind wahala be this??? God please let me quickly get a cab so I can loose him’. I prayed in my head.

“Honk honk…oga move forward now”  the drivers were getting impatient and just wanted to get to their destinations. In that confusion I crossed the road praying a car doesn’t hit me or even if it does it should be a nice expensive car so at least when he/she rushes me to the hospital I’d get an emergency lunch I hope.

glanced over to my new stalker and I noticed he stopped by the junction and was unable to get his bike across due to the temporary commotion that was ongoing.

‘Great!!! Now I can quickly take a cab home. Come on come on..hurrrrryyyy the road is about to clear and I need to be out of here right now’.

“Tanke” I screamed at the first tricycle I saw, he slowed down and I got in.

Giving myself an inner five, I gave a Cheshire smile and mentally started to congratulate myself on getting rid of him. I looked at him stylishly while trying to hide myself beside the person I sat next to, he was on his phone writing a hurried text to the person on the other line then trying to stash it away in his pocket. Wait don’t te…..

“Manomsi’ an elderly man spoke next to me. ‘can I at least have an uninterrupted thought at least  just  this once today’. The voice came from the person I was using as a temporary shield.

“Oh my God good evening sir” I smiled in shock to see my once upon a time junior secondary school teacher. I am sorry I didn’t see you sir.

I kept on glancing back as we exchanged our pleasantries and behold what would I see??? My stalker!!!

‘You mean he is following me??? I thought that was it. No come on or wait Nomsi maybe he is just going through this same route he is on a bike so he should overtake the tricycle. Okay just observe and let’s see’

After moments of observation, Haha no way, this guy is actually following me and staring at the tricycle I am in. He doesn’t know I have spotted him and as much as possible I am trying to be as natural as I can, that’s if you would call a sweaty palm, feet tapping, an evident uneven breath, a constant looking back and an accelerated heartbeat all natural.

At every stop we had he would stop right behind us (with a ‘respectable distance’  not to look so obvious, lol for his mind) bring out his phone and start typing hurriedly to the receiver on the other end. Why do I feel like he is sending out information about our current where abouts to the person!!! Now I was officially scared.

‘’I am looking for a cyber café I need to print some things but I know I can’t get it around so I am going to stop anywhere I can find” my teacher spoke beside me.

“Oww okay” I said half heartedly. My mind focused on how I will not get kidnapped or trafficked. It also didn’t help that just the day before my sister told me she just became a Pan-African institute of Global Affairs and Strategy Ambassador and how they have been given insights on how people are being trafficked and it is so horrible.”

‘No Anuma you didn’t become an ambassador so you can find me when I have been trafficked. If this wasn’t a really horrible situation I would have said perfect timing’ I joked mentally, how can I still joke at this crucial moment??

With fumbling hands and a sweaty palm, I picked up my phone to text my family and friends to tell them about what I just observed.

I mean this was not the first time I was followed, guys have trailed me, cars have tailed me but at the end of the day they all attempted to stop me to get my number and all before I could even get to my destination, but this was different. He didn’t make any attempt, he gave me really bad vibes, and it felt like he had other ulterior motives.

“1 percent!!” I exclaimed. I tried to hurriedly scribble something to somebody, anybody preferably our family group chat or my friends group chat so at least one person sees it on time before I am trafficked away.

“No no no”…’tap tap tap’…I tapped on the screen aggressively ‘ no why did you die, battery why did you do this to me now?? You are certainly an accomplice to this’ I tried to maintain my composure as I felt so alone

“Sir, someone has been following me” I spoke up. I felt at least I needed to tell someone so incase of any bad turnout, someone out there will be able to tell about what happened before my disappearance.

“Really??” he replied. We both turned back and I described who it was in particular at first he got the wrong description but I described the man well enough to him.

“It might be a coincidence” he said. ‘excuse me???’ I exclaimed in my head. I explained everything to him hoping he would see that I wouldn’t just pin a random person a stalker and for me to have noticed, I must have had valid reasons.

“Where are you dropping? so I will follow you home if he is still following us, although I think it is just a coincidence”.

Clearly this man thinks I am overreacting and I mean how would he understand?? He is not a “Female” to understand this and the fears that come with it and he is really looking for where to photocopy, he is not ready for a “little over reactive lady” to ruin his plans.

The noise from the busy road started to fade out as I got closer to where I was going to alight; I started to calculate how in the world I was going to get out of this. I just knew I couldn’t go home that would be the most dangerous step ever.

“Don’t worry it’s just a coincidence” he said interrupting my thoughts for the umpteenth time that day, I gave a small smile hiding the disappointment and fear I felt.

I finally decided to drop by the boutique of someone I knew who lived close by to where I stayed.

“Don’t worry I will pay for you” he said as I dropped down from the tricycle.

With a small smile I replied  “don’t worry thank you sir I will pay for the both of us”. ‘I am doing this to honour you as my one time teacher, and tomorrow when you hear Nomsi is missing maybe you’d just feel a pang of guilt because she payed for your t-fare just before she got kidnapped.

“you see it’s just a coincidence” he said

With clenched jaws I said through gritted teeth “ no he has parked right behind us”. He looked over to see the man sitting on his bike looking at me and typing away to the receiver on the phone. I looked back at the teacher and he just smiled at me before the tricycle drove off.

‘what in the worldddd??  He really just left me??? Come on..if I didn’t know better I would have thought they were in this together’.

Trying my hardest not to look at my new stalker and act all natural, with shaky legs I crossed the road and  gave a stylish one look over to get a glimpse at the man and I noticed him on a phone call with probably the person he has been contacting all this while and he was evidently glaring at me, I quickened my pace straight into the boutique

After exchanging pleasantries with her I explained the whole situation to her, she went out to assess the area and came back in with a worried expression. After a little while she went back out to survey the area and she came back inside in a hurry and just told me,

“follow me and on my count run”. I couldn’t even ask questions, I couldn’t process anything and as we headed outside  “RUN” was the last thing I heard and all I knew at that moment was  I started running through the back road behind her boutique, I ran as far as my legs could carry me. On a normal day I can’t run because of my health issues, but I did run with all of my heart that day praying to God that I just don’t get hijacked on my way home or drop dead from the way I am struggling to breathe, whichever one came first. Did I forget to mention I was on heels??? I think I just unlocked a new super power.

“Bang bang bang” I knocked hard on the gate, wheezing and trying my best to scream “Mummy ..’ough ough’ I coughed out..Daddy” I screeched with tears in my eyes…” bang bang bang” using both my legs and hands to hit the gate.

“Click” the gate opened before me. I rushed in almost pushing my mum out of the way. I entered the house like a drunkard who just got chased from a mad dog.

“Nomsi what is it?” she asked with the most worried expression on her face.

“are you okay?” a worried voice asked across the house, ‘there is a visitor’ I noted mentally.

“Nomsi what happened” my dad asked already panicking.

“I” ‘ough ough’ I coughed. ”someonedgwasfjfolllowingiehme” I said, fumbling on my words, wheezing as I crashed on the first chair I could see, doing my best to take in all the oxygen I could.

Anxious eyes were staring at me waiting for me to recover, one of my little brothers ran from the main house to give me a cup of water.

“gulp gulp gulp” I drank the water down and honestly right now I could drink a well.

I narrated the whole story to them and just as I rounded up “ring ring ring” my phone rang up, it was the woman at the boutique.

“Hello ma..’ough ough’,

“Hope you are home now and you are safe?”

“yes ma, I got home fine”

“Okay thank God, but don’t come out of the house. The man has been here for the past 30minutes, He has gone round the area like thrice and is currently asking around for your where about and as I am speaking to you he is looking at me, cause he knows I am the last person he saw you with. So just stay indoors at least for the rest of today, he has a mission, I don’t know what it is but even his appearance is scary, thank God you noticed him.“

“Wow, thank you so much ma, I’m really grateful, God bless you ma.”

“You are welcome, please take care my dear”

We rounded the phone call and I narrated what just happened to them.

With worried faces they told me how I could have called them and we would have looked for a way to round up the guy, pin him and get him to talk.

My mind wasn’t functioning straight through all that time and I was just grateful I got home safely and I was currently not begging anybody to return me back home and trying to reason with them that there is no ransom money to pay them or I’d probably run down their trafficking ring instead of boosting it.

Thanks to this event I am suffering from PTSD and I can no longer walk out without thinking they’d come back for me and someone is constantly watching me.

To everybody out there most especially the ladies, please always be vigilant of your surroundings, with God’s help I escaped, I don’t know how the story might have ended up. It was me this time; it could be you another time. Please stay safe.

Even in Darkness Lies a Light... (Based on a personal true story)

      

Perfectly round and bright, dark spots at spherical corners "this has to be the most beautiful moon I have ever seen" I said to myself with a longing smile, walking down a lonely alley, wishing I could get a perfect picture.

 "Dada.."giggling, I looked down to see a cute baby girl in her pink shorts and lovely pig tails all smiling, playing with her father, started to approach me.

"Heyyyy" with a wide grin and the most babish voice I could muster, 

she ran to me, hugged me and started squealing(it almost felt like the moment when John leapt in the womb when Mary spoke).😂😂

With tiny hands she pulled on my dress and insisted I carried her, which i did, and boy did i receive the warmest, tiniest and the most comfortable hug in a while( asides the ones I get from my dad and mum and siblings every morning and night and at randoms). 

"Hey baby!! What's your name" I smiled, pulling out my hand for her to hold.

"Hahahaha" she squealed while hugging me tighter.

"Zion" a deep voice said beside me all smiley , breaking our little moment. 

"Zion" i repeated out of confusion and clearance. Well that is a little weird name for a baby girl sir, but I'll take it. 

I smiled back to this bundle of joy, "you are so cute" I said.

" Zion!! Come on lets go to mummy, come come, Let Aunty go, he said trying to pull her off from me. 

"Ahhhhh" a light pitched scream followed, Wiggling her way away from his grip, she held tightly to my neck, crying already.

My heart was a degree away from melting from so much emotion. How lovely was it that someone who I have never Seen and a baby at that just fell in love with me and didn't want to let go. Honestly I would have carried her home and ran if I had the chance cause she was just so urrghhh❤❤.

After so much crying, with kicks here (ouch) and blows there, her father took her from me and it felt like a part of me went with her.

Pulling her hand out to me from the grip of her father, with so much longing, I smiled back with pain as I waved to her and blew her a kiss, the distance between us gradually grew wider till she faded in the setting darkness.

Could there be more than it seemed?

That I don't know, but all I know is a 2 year old baby girl saw me as her everything at that one moment and that ladies and gentlemen made my evening.